What An Honor It Would Be To See 40!

After a long day and cuddles with the grandson, I thought I would go through some photo albums on my computer and internet files. You see, my 40th birthday is coming up. Something I was told in my mid to late 20’s I’d never see.  There was a while that was true, and then we found the cause of my illness and were able to treat according.

Concerts! Left to Right: Kandi Blaze, Ivy Electric,
Chevy Cheyenne, and my beautiful daughter, Destiny. 

In my 30s I gained hope. My life was changing, my child was mostly grown, I wasn’t the same woman, but I remembered the girl I once was.  I wasn’t so sick all the time, actually I looked pretty healthy, despite the immune issues. I had nice curves, healthily cheeks, and was full of so much life. I was a hummingbird. Go, go, go! Couldn’t keep me down, because id been there. I had to live every minute. I needed to experience life. Soon I remarried and was incredibly blessed to be married to my hero that always tries to save me. I was now a grandma to the worlds cutest and orneriest boy, and for some reason he reminded me of my dad. 40 was going to happen! I was going to reach a mile marker that I once thought would never be achievable. Life was truly fantastic.

April 3rd, 2020, I am to be 40 years young. An age most dread, look at as old, or the downhill of it all.  A little less than 3 months away. I want nothing more than to be able to celebrate this day. This monumental moment in my life that I never expected to see, and I know isn’t a full guarantee. It’s never felt so incredible close and yet there are times we not sure it’s truly reachable. 40 has such grace, pause, and maturity if you’ve learned that life isn’t full of mistakes, but lessons learned and not worth repeating. 

1998: My father Ken Cooper (1942-2009), my Grandmother
Mabel Cooper (1911-2006) Kandi Cooper (that would be me),
and my daughter, Destiny. 

Tonight, as I went through those photos, originally planning to create a quick birthday video with pics and clips, I began seeing the healthier vessel I had been, seeing the people over the years I’ve connected with, loved ones, lost friendship, smiles and hugs from those no longer living in this realm with us. I couldn’t hold back the tears. I wanted to be happy for so many connections. So many beautiful faces and smiles I’ve shared with so many of you. I am humbled at many of the relations I’ve had. Sad and sometimes angry at the loss of friendships. I grieve for the dead, but there is comfort in reuniting our souls.

I also realized I’m the only one that knows where all these images are, what music is my favorite and expresses my personality and life. The tears fell incredibly hard when I watched Rob and I shove cupcakes in each other’s faces at our wedding. I laughed and reminisced at the video clip of us shop ladies being in a Dodge drift thrill ride. These were the clips and images I wanted to share with people I made memories with while I was alive! As hard as it will be, I plan on creating a beautiful memorial video of those clips,  images, and memories with so many incredible people over the years. And no one needs to scramble and sit for hours or days and decide what images I would have liked. Here’s that damned double edge sword again. This is hard, but with rare opportunities like this to express art, share memories, and leave one last footprint at my final goodbye, it just seems right for me.

Wow! To be 40. What an honor that will be to hopefully see.

Kandi
01/21/2020